Parent Matters

Thank you to Deborah MacNamara who donated her time last week to speak to a group of our parents. Deb is wealth of knowledge with anecdotes that ring true for all parents and teachers. I always find her words help me see the world through the eyes of a child, and in turn increase my patience and understanding.

During the workshop, I suspect most parents found that learning about counterwill was like finding a secret map to children's behaviour. Once we understand a child's instinctive and developmentally healthy need to refuse to do what adults ask when they are not collected, our frustration dissolves. (Well, at least a little.) Yet, at the same time, when a child begins to rebuke a no and the adult changes circumstances to avoid a struggle or disappointment, the child is then placed in the lead. Research shows that children who are placed in the lead have increasing anxieties which leads to more challenging behaviour. There is a message of safety and being taken care of when parents take the lead and assure the child that they know what they are doing - they are the child's best bet. So as parents and teachers we act as a double agent, being both the wall of futility and the angel of comfort. Through this support and guidance, our children may have tears around not getting what they want, yet the comfort gives birth to acceptance and resilience.
How do we avoid soliciting counterwill?
By coming along side a child, collecting them, and guiding them, our children are eager to do our bidding. (I can best explain this in person.) As Deb mentioned, chapter seven in Hold on to Your Kids goes over strategies that don't divide or damage relationships with parents. (I could elaborate here, but it's not wise to let children read about the "magic.") Do check her blog for workshop dates for Neufeld's Relationship Matters Presentation and Deb's The Trouble with Time Outs presentation. www.deborahmacnamara.blogspot.com


I am continually amazed at all the parents of the kindergarten students. Every day I see how you strive to do the best for your children and reach into your hearts for caring and warmth to address inquiries or quivering lips, help with calendar activities, read books, and even tend to stuck shoes and zippers. You send your children off with great hugs and I love yous. Then you open your arms wide at the end of the day for them to rush in. (This is indeed the case, for parents picking their children up in K class or next door at JKC.) I must also add, that you have all been wonderful matchmakers for me and your children. You take the time to make sure they have a chance for my eye contact, hand, or voice, before you ever leave. Since they know you like and trust me, they instinctively feel the same way and turn to me for answers in your absence. It is your graciousness and wisdom to do this that gives me the power to teach.
Thank you.
Love Mrs. App
(I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm a little teary after printing that. I truly do love my job and teaching these two classes.)